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any good jokes?

Topics Misc any good jokes?
Goku_B
Goku_B
Those are pretty good Rei.
12-Feb-2005
Reiyuka
Reiyuka
Thanks! Wish I could take the credit, though.
12-Feb-2005
kitori
kitori
aw well u get credited for bring them to us Rei, hows that ^-^
13-Feb-2005
Reiyuka
Reiyuka
Ooooooooh! I get credited for something that's actually good? :blink: Now there's something new.
This one cracked me up for about 5 minutes.

S: Shopping clothes for girls is easy.
T: Is that a fact...And how do you do it?
S: Buy a size 6 and keep the receipt. And then when they yell that they're really a 12 and do you think you're FUNNY, swear to God they look like an 6 to you. Or you can get them some sort of cute mascot thing and claim it reminded you of them. But if you get Badtz-Maru you get beat up.

:snicker:
13-Feb-2005
angelfeathers
angelfeathers
lol that's just silli
13-Feb-2005
Reiyuka
Reiyuka
Actually very smart too, you can't lose with that one.
13-Feb-2005
Goku_B
Goku_B
-Yo' mama so poor, her television only has two channels -- on and off!,
-Why did God create brunettes?
So ugly men wouldn't be left out!,(thank u God)
-Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?,
-Why do women pass less gas than men?
Because women don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up pressure!,(very true LOl)
-What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-i-nated!!,
-What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of a** that will bring tears to your eyes!,
-Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Madame.
Madame who?
Madame foot will be up your a**, if you don't open this door,
-I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind. It's all coming back to me now.LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL,
-Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says to the other, "I bet I could gross you out right now" The other guy says, "No way you could gross me out, whatever you do I could top" So the first guy looks at the second guy and sticks his fingers down his throat and vomits all over the table. The second guy looks at him and says " Nice Try ", and pulls out a straw....
13-Feb-2005
Reiyuka
Reiyuka
You're kidding? You didn't get the joke or didn't get what was so good about that tactic? Oh, and those are just so ridiculous. :bg: Again, not really a joke, although I still found it funny.

Black sleeveless dress.
‘Hubba, hubba, hubba…’
“Eriol-kun, are you okay?”
‘…oh my GOD…’
“Hey, say something!”
‘Oh, yeah, was I supposed to— Oh, fuck, she’s twirling.’ Mute,
vehement shaking of head.
“That bad, huh? Right. I’ll go change.”
‘Hey, wait, come back! I wasn’t done ogling!’

That just cracked me up.
13-Feb-2005
kitori
kitori
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I love these ^-^! Hmm I don't know any more good jokes accept i do know a good site www.funnyjunk.com! chao, love u all ^-^
14-Feb-2005
Goku_B
Goku_B
I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.
When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?
I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, not anytime.
And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!,
-President Bush wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President Sucks" written in the snow in urine. Furious, he calls in the FBI and demands the perpetrators be found. Later that day the FBI agents return.
"Well sir," says the first agent, "the urine has been analysed and it's the Vice President's". Bush goes purple with rage and shouts, "Is that all?"
"Well no sir," says the agent, "It's the First Lady's handwriting.",
-Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen?
People were confused about which side to spit on,
-A guy dies and goes to heaven. His tour guide starts to show him around the whole place; the tennis courts, the main lobby , when they come upon a room full of clocks.Some are going fast, some slow and some normal. " What's with all the clocks?" the guy asks his tour guide. " each clock is for each person on earth. Every time they tell a lie, their clock goes faster," he said.Well that makes sense the guy thought to himself. just then he noticed a clock on the ceiling going tremendously fast , and much faster than all the others. " what's that?" the guy said pointing to the ceiling. " Oh, that's George W Bush's clock. We use it as a fan."
-Nutty Hunters Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all his life, but Steve was hunting for the first time. Joe told Steve to sit down and not make a sound. So he did.
But when Joe got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said.
"Well, I was when the snake bit me," said Steve. "And I was when the bear attacked me... but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat them or take them with us,' I screamed."
-How do you talk to a fish? You drop him a line.
-Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"
One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"
12-Jun-2005
Nausicaa
Nausicaa
I have tons of emailed jokes, this is the first one i came across! it's not too bad
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't, and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well, What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the sea shore...."
12-Jun-2005
Keiichi-K1
Keiichi-K1
here's one i have:

Mr Atom was walking along when suddenly he bumped into Miss Neutron!
Ouch!
Miss Neutron: Are You okay?
Mr Atom: Oh dear! no! i've lost an electron!
Miss Neutron: Are you sure?
Mr Atom: Yes! im POSITIVE!

LOL both amusing and educational! V^^V
12-Jun-2005
Nausicaa
Nausicaa
^_^ that's one of my favorites!!!
12-Jun-2005
Goku_B
Goku_B
-President Bush is so stupid, he tried to hide in a corner in the Oval Office,
-Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light." "What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there." ,
-"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
lack normal seepage
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for
(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!
(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics,
-The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for
"Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something.
The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?
"I brought a Walkman."
"And what is it for?"
"You can listen to music with it!"
"That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?"
"I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!"
"Well done, Kenny.
Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!"
"Yes, I did. It's in the hall."
So the entire class goes into the hallway.
"Umm, Johnny, what is that?"
"It's a heart/lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going."
"Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?"
"He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'"
26-Jun-2005
Kei_kusanagi
Kei_kusanagi
WOAH!!! you have alot of jokes...gokubussjr ^_^_^
26-Jun-2005